Friends,

If someone asked you what the main source of conflict in the home is, what would you answer? Money? Children? In-laws? You'd be wrong. I heard a news report this week that a recent study showed that the number one source of conflict in the home is clutter and messiness. Now, I thought they may have interviewed only families with teens, but I was mistaken. It seems that men and women have different ideas about what constitutes clutter and that is the source of the tension.

I haven't noticed any particular strife in my home, so I asked Peggy about it. She said she'd given up hope of ever getting me to put things away. I usually put things exactly where I want them. If Peggy puts things away, I won't be able to find them again. The conversation goes like this: "Hey, where's the widget?" "I put it away where it belongs." "Okay, where's that?"

And I noticed that every time I brought the subject up, the women in the group became indignant and angry with their partners, claiming, "See, it's not just me," while the men became defensive and attempted to change the subject. It occurs to me that presenting this reflection may provide an occasion for domestic strife.

As I thought about this, it occurred to me that one of the reasons folks may have clutter in their homes is because we have too much stuff. Stuff we don't need. One guy told me that every new project deserves a new tool. But wouldn't you eventually run out of space? I started wondering about all the stuff people have in their homes and I realized that most of the "guy stuff" ends up in the garage or the basement. I would like to have my toys up in the sunroom where the grandchildren are allowed to play, but I have to keep my stuff in the basement. Of course, if I had my stuff where the grandchildren were allowed to play, then they'd play with my stuff. So, maybe there's a good reason for keeping it out of reach of children. In the old days, guy stuff went in the barn. Most of the guy stuff, tools and such...things people today like to call 'toys' (I've often wondered why when you buy a pan for the kitchen it's called a utensil, but when you get a Skil saw for the workshop it's called a toy) these 'toys' generally have to do with a singular project. The project gets completed, and the stuff gets put away...eventually. For example, you make a coffee table and the tools get put away when you're done...admiring your handiwork. "Guy stuff" seems to be associated with building or construction; projects that have definite conclusions.

On the other hand, things that are normally associated with "homemaking" do not involve projects so much as Sisyphean tasks. I don't know anyone who ever considered sweeping or mopping as a hobby. So, I guess we shouldn't be surprised when the person doing the cleanup gets annoyed to have to move the widget again to clean under it or around it. I still don't understand why I need to put the suitcase away when we both know I'm going to use it again for my next trip...in another month.